Dearest Darling Friends,
Are intimate relationships possible without expectations?
Should we have expectations at all?
What kinds of expectations are ok?
If expectations are ok, what is ‘unconditional’ love?
Here are a few thoughts that might resonate with you…
Many of us have faced turbulence that expectations create in relationships. What I have realized is that expectations are of three kinds.
One, where my expectations are from others for ‘me’. (My dress should be ironed like that, My food should taste like this, Come to pick me up, Appreciate me, You should be ‘patient’ with me, Stop giving me feedback…etc).
Second, where my expectations are from others for ‘them’. (Focus on your work/studies, Sleep on time, Exercise, Meditate, Shave, Take care of your health, Be punctual…etc).
Third, my expectations are from me for others. (I want to keep my wife happy, I should live up to the expectations of my father, My boss should be delighted with my work, My nation should be proud of me, I should not get angry with you…etc).
The proof of love is in ‘creating’.
When I love music, I want to create music…
When I love my country, I want to create my country.
Similarly, when I love a person, I want to ‘create’ them or for them.
“I would love to see him develop and reach the zenith of his potential”.
“I would love to create exceptional memories for her.”
“This letter of appreciation will truly make her believe in herself.”
“I want to create a secure financial future for my family.”
Such expectations are the ‘PROOF’ of love. In any relationship where there is love, there will be at least one of the three expectations mentioned above.
‘Intimate relationships without expectations are IMPOSSIBLE’.
Then, what is unconditional love?
When I put all the efforts necessary, and I am patient in you being transformed. Even if you don’t, I continue to love you BUT will remain focused on you getting transformed.
If you change…great, or else, my efforts will continue.
I should be able to love you, value you, as you are.
My love does not depend on you ‘changing’.
May you love and therefore create enough people including you. May you grow in self-belief. May this world be a better place for you are here as a ‘lover’.
Please do not give up on people you love. Please believe in love. Love can create miracles. It always has.
With love, prayers and exceptional wishes,
naren
Imagine, when we wake up, we are given only what we had thanked for.
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