Dearest Darling Friends,

In conflict-resolution studies, researchers noticed a pattern.

When one person said a specific phrase at the right moment,

– tension dropped
– voices softened
– problem-solving replaced defensiveness.

All of this in less than 20 seconds.

The phrase wasn’t “I am sorry” or “You are right.”

It was: “Help me understand.”

Unlike most responses in an argument, it doesn’t push, defend, or counterattack, it invites.

Why does this work?

This works because it shifts the brain out of threat mode. Instead of framing ‘difference of opinion’ as a battle, it reframes it as a joint effort. People understand it as connection and not competition.

If phrases that helps in resolving conflicts interests you, keep reading.

Here are some more verbal cues that will help lower defensiveness, build openness in a conversation, shorten arguments and increase mutual satisfaction with the outcome — even when no one “fully agreed.”

1. Reflective listening: Repeat back what you’ve understood from the conversation, e.g., “Just to make sure I understand, you are saying that …?”

2. Encourage others to share: Ask questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts, e.g., “What do you think about…”, “How did you feel about…?”

3. First Empathy and then perspective: Show understanding and acknowledgment, e.g., “I can see why you feel that way.” Add a pause and then add, “Is it possible…..?”

4. Softening phrases: Use phrases that soften the tone, e.g., “I’m not sure if this is right, but…”, “I might be wrong, but…”

5. Avoid absolute language: Avoid phrases like “You always…” or “You never…”. They come across as accusatory. Do not generalise. Instead, focus on specific instances.

6. Show genuine interest: Express genuine curiosity and interest in the other person’s perspective, e.g., “Tell me more about your thoughts” or “Thats fascinating. If you do not mind, I would love to hear more about it.”

These verbal cues help create a safe and non-confrontational space for open conversation. They make all the difference between you being ‘as smooth as hot knife through butter’ or you being a ‘as destructive as a bull in a china shop’.

The catch. You have to mean it. If it’s delivered with sarcasm or as a trap or with bias, it backfires.

When delivered with genuine curiosity, these phrases are the fastest ways to de-escalate human conflict and foster camaraderie.

Thats what all of us want, isn’t it?

Which one of these appeal to you? Is there any other ‘phrase’ that has worked wonders for you? Do share your wisdom so that all of us can grow out of it.

With love, prayers and best wishes,