What can be done?
THREE major factors influence a child mightily. They are, THE SCHOOL where the child is supposed to get formal academic education, the SOCIETY that is supposed to be the exploration grounds for the child, and of course the FAMILY.
Based on the inputs the child receives from these places and people, the child responds to the world either to ‘HIDE’ or to ‘SEEK’. Parents do send the child to the best school possible for them. However the inputs in the school are not always enough for the complete development of the child. Teachers may at times not know how to deal with their own frustrations and it may be vented out on a child. The child may go into a shell. The sight of the teacher sometimes creates fear in the child.
The student friends may be teasing the child too often. It results in the child withdrawing from people. You end up thinking your child is not smart enough. The actual reason is the child does not find the environment to its favor.
Ironically, you have sent the child to school for them to learn how to progress in life. The school authorities are indeed doing their best. However, they cannot monitor everything that happens. The very school may end up as the cause for the child losing interest in progress in life. It plays ‘hide’ not ‘seek’.
The case with the society can be similar. The neighboring children may be bullying the child, the cousins may be ignoring the child, and the relatives may be always comparing the child. This again leads to situations where the child finds the environment is not to its favor.
The clear understanding is that though the parents may provide the best for the child, they may not be able to control the society and the schools inputs to a very large extant.
So many of our movies show how the world corrupts innocent youngsters. Those lives and those movies would not have happened.
In this scenario the only place on the planet where the child may feel security is in its home. If there is one place where the child should and can always get only positive inputs it should naturally be the family.
If the behavior and communication of family members denote favorable environment to the child, then the child overcomes the negative impact of the world’s inputs on it. If on the other hand the behavior and communication of family members present a hostile environment, then the child goes through a big crisis of identity. Sometimes the negative impact of the childhood is never overcome at all.
Based on the inputs the child gets, they answer two questions.
- What kind of a person am I?
- Is the surrounding world favorable or unfavorable?
Based on the answer every child receives on these two questions, they will respond to the world.
If the child believes they are good but the environment is not favorable, they will not stay good long enough. If the child believes they are not good but the world is favorable, they will become guilty. If the child believes the world is favorable only when they are bad, they behave accordingly. If the child believes it is bad and the environment hostile, we have a serious situation on hand.
Inside our home, the child is being guided in which direction by our behavior and communication? Does our communication make the child believe in themselves? Does our body language make the child believe that the environment is hostile? Do we always catch our child doing a mistake or do we catch and reward them for the right things done? Do we call him as a member of various animal’s kingdom or do we call him as an angel of god? Do we call him as a source of our troubles or do we make them believe they are the source of our blessings?
What according to the child is a favorable environment? When the child is not beaten up nor shouted at, the child sees the environment as favorable. Added to this the child should feel whenever they make a mistake things will be explained to them and not imposed on them. They should see, hear and feel joy in the air. These, put together, are ‘favorable environment’ to the child.
When your child asks this question to himself or herself, “What kind of a person I am?”, what kind of an answer will flash? Based on the answer, understand the kind of parent you are. When your child asks “Is the environment favorable to me or not?”, what thoughts will flash in that little head of theirs. Based on the answer understand what kind of a person you are!
As parents the impact that we have on the psyche and therefore the emerging personality of the child is tremendous. We have a brilliant opportunity is presenting to this world a masterpiece. Most parents of this world are so involved with their own inadequacies they waste this stunning opportunity. Most parents see bringing up a child as a chore and not as a delight. To me, it is a crime to waste this opportunity as we are doing injustice to the child and the society.